Getting Back to Center

If this blog can act as a confessional, I have to admit that I have not been a very good mother or wife this summer. I spent far too much time working, trying to ensure that this co-op would be a success despite our high rent fees. With Scout off working full time with Dad, Girlie spent her days fending for herself, playing video games on XBox live or online.

At first, she seemed happy to have the respite out the constant companionship. She is almost 14, and needs a bit of personal space. But toward the middle of August, we were both sorely missing the companionable time we normally shared.

I am happy that we quickly made efforts to get back to our center, as easily as watching DVDs together or creating an art project. Last week, Scout was home again as well. The whole dynamics of the household has changed again, with all three of us looking at the start of schooling with mixed emotions.

This year will be more challenging for all of us. I will be learning to juggle not just the lessons at home with the kids, but my students in the three classes that I am teaching. All the while I will be faced with unknown demands of the co-op and learning to set boundaries with my time that put family first.

Scout will not only be a junior with a full course load, but will also be researching colleges, getting accustomed ot the responsiblities of being a new driver, and preparing for his Eagle scout project. I am thrilled though, that his working experience this summer has given him new direction and focus, and he is unusually focused to begin the year. He is ready to throw himself fully into both the social and academic parts of being a student again.

Girlie is already showing signs of a difficult transition back into academics. She really is my reluctant learner right now, filled with hormones, lethargy, and teenaged angst. She's spent far too much time alone without inspiration this summer. She is so full of dread for the start of anything academic.

I have to admit that for the first time ever, I feel the same way. In these dozen or more years, I have never felt so disconnected from our learning lifestyle. It's more than just being over tired from this incessant insomnia or mere distraction. I'm selfishly feeling that I just don't have it in me to be as creative as I have in the past with our lessons at home, going overboard to ensure ways to make unpleasant subject enjoyable.

We spoke about this at length today and she feels that is was a mistake for us to take so much time away this year. We normally only take a month off and do unschooling projects from July to September. We have done little bits and pieces here and there, but there has been no real form or function. We spoke candidly about her need to get over her stubborness about some subjects, like history, because it's just plain unfair to me as her teacher. She agreed that she has been "mule-headed" (her new fave term), and we will come to some middle ground.

We brainstormed a bit and came up with a few things that have been fun...and are going to try to do some focus on those, together, looking for a spark. A few of her subjects will be starting next week at co-op, and we will continue on with math. But we will let the other things rest for a week or two. It is far more important to get back to center of our learning lifestyle than force feed everything all at once.

We are both hoping that once we are in a bit of a rhythm again all the pieces will fall back into place without a huge struggle. It seems that we are all working our way through some growing pains on our way back.
If only I could sleep...